November 05, 2020

They Will Milk You Dry. Forgive Yourself.


Forgive Yourself.

“No one can make you inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Photo credit Pixabay

“…Flies all over his face, the ground around his lower bottom wet, we all can assume what that means, more happy flies around his crouch.

He is blacked-out on that muddy ground oblivious of the people surrounding him, and watching him with so much curiosity and sadness.

No one knows for sure whether he will get up or not…”

That is Fred on the ground like his normal day.


Today I will share Fred’s story.

I said I will do a four part series and hope we learn from them, this is the second one.

My hope is that we learn a thing or two especially on forgiveness.

(I can vouch for this story. Name changed for privacy purposes) 

Fred was the first born of a family of 5 children. 

He had a brilliant mind that got him enrolled, through sponsorship, into an overseas University.

Fred ended up in Europe.

And as expected he ended up having lots of friends (and family) who needed his help. This the point where any remote relation is milked, if your cat and their cat has a kitten then you are related.

Like a typical diaspora he wasn’t exempted from being fleeced.

Straight from a standard textbook example…

Exploitation 101…

Fred educated people who never bothered to go to school or take advantage of the opportunity. He helped people start businesses that they never bothered to see flourish.

Eventually, packing his bags he retired young, to a businesses of his that never actually existed, to properties, of his, that didn’t exist. He had been conned.

Trying so hard to be resilient, he managed to stay afloat got hitched and started a family.

Unfortunately for him, once people are used to handout there is no way out. (it is almost like joining the mafia, once in, no out) Everyone still expected him to fend for them, still looking upon him as the sole bread winner. No one really cared about his wellbeing. Our dog-eat-dog world.

He eventually gave up and gave in to alcohol or rather alcoholism as an escape.

To date alcohol is the only thing that understands him or should I say they understand each other. Such sad affairs!

So anyway, he drinks it for breakfast, lunch, supper, and any other meal needed until he hits the ground. No one knows for sure how long he will keep like this. But we can tell where it is headed.

So question for today…

Actually, there too many questions to ask it is confusing, disturbing, and quite frankly upsetting what we do to people as a society. Leaves a lot to be desired. It stinks.

Let us instead find out what I would like us to learn from this.

Look after yourself.

Look after your overall wellbeing, mental, physical and spiritual. I say this over and over again, you cannot look after others if you cannot look after yourself. You need to put your gas mask on first before helping even your own child. The reason being, if you haven’t established it yet, you are no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself, not to you, not to your friends neither are you any good to your family.

  • Eat well, exercise, and meditate.
  • Learn to say NO. Don’t let people rush you to an early grave.
  • Pray for serenity. Know the difference of things you can change and those you just can’t. Call it attaining wisdom.
  • Find your tribe. Surrounding yourself with people who build you. People who want the best in you, those are your tribe. You are as good as the company you keep. After all birds of a feather flock together. Friends are the family we gift our self.
  • Forgive yourself. The one important think I learnt in my life is forgiving myself. It changed my life. I used to be so hard on myself on just about anything. Say for instance, if something is in your nature, say kindness and people taking advantage of that, forgive yourself for that, it unburdens you an helps you figure out how to manoeuvre around who you are and who you can be.
  • Let us learn to love one another.  That was we would never put anyone in a tight situation that whence destroys them.

The above story is from a close contact needing help.

What we see here is that Fred should forgive himself then he will be able to forgive those who wronged him to move forward. It shouldn’t have gotten this far but yet it did. Once he does that, he will know he deserves much better. He will know to seek professional help, all will be clear to him.

And, it is never too late to start all over again, it is only sad never to try.

If you have any questions I am more than happy to answer them. Otherwise leave a comment and share the blog it could help someone somewhere.




Nicolle Hanselmann.


©nicollehanselmann 2020

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  1. Mary Ndirangu
    5 November, 2020

    I like your hillarious way of driving the point home…you made me lol – “if your cat and their cat has a kitten then you are related.”

    • Nicolle Hanselmann
      6 November, 2020

      Thanks Mary. I do like a little bit of humour, makes everything a lot better.

  2. andre
    8 November, 2020

    nicolle you are very right. first of all, he has to give attention and love to himself!

    • Nicolle Hanselmann
      19 November, 2020

      self-love is something we struggle with us it can be regarded as selfish, and has been termed as such for years, it is something we are learning more about.

  3. Kahindi Jrn
    12 November, 2020

    The power of words,well put and point home.Great job

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