November 19, 2020
Same Script, Different Cast.
I couldn’t help but imagine how a well established writers feel when they hit the dreaded writer’s block. They do have a lot of things riding on it, their reputation, their earnings, passion, hobby, the list goes on n on…
I have been writing a 4-part series of the plight of the diaspora in relation to being conned or misused by people they trusted. Mainly focusing on the things that we could learn. This is the fourth part or a semblance of one.
Here is the deal, I have some sort of writers block, yeah sort of. I would say that I fit the bill above but in my own league I did hit a block, of some sort.
You may have gathered by now that the story of the African diaspora can be summed as a case of “same script, different cast”
It is all in the semantics.
The stories are there indeed. Some totally heartbreaking.
For the diasporas opening up to me, it is more like rather feels like,
“Nicolle, been-there-done-that, next”
( If you have not caught up here is the link
Wisdom warns us that experience should never be the only teacher, other people’s experiences should be good enough for us too.
Imagine for a moment, that you leave your support system for pastures greener than green.
You add bits and bobs to your life, spruce it up, spice it up, and sooner than later you are the rescue dog for the whole your community that you left behind.
You miss the company, the laughs, the ‘firsts’, the winding up, weddings, funerals, but life is about sacrifice right? Do the uncomfortable to gain the comfortable, they say.
The Three G’s
So you learn to grit, grind, and to believe in grace. Triple G it.
But the people you do all these for, forget to perceive you as human being let alone family.
You are their cash cow, only they didn’t buy the cow.
They milk you dry, and some.
So here is the other deal, rather than share more gruesome stories, just know whatever you think is so bad to do to family (even friends) has been done before.
Whatever you can imagine, has happened, after all their is nothing new under the sun. We can only pray that there will be a change of heart and this trend stops.
Diaspora or not, family or not, let us be mindful of other people’s mental wellbeing.
We are responsible of our own actions and that is what we are accountable for.
Love makes all things right and if we truly learn to love ourselves, we will love others and only good come out of that.
So today I will emphasis on boundaries and setting them.
“The way in which a person uses their true goodness is just like the way that trees are destroyed by the axe. Cut down day after day, how can the mind, any more than the tree, retain its beauty or continue to live”-Menciuos, 4th century, BC.
Establish boundaries and watch people naturally respect you. That is how we human beings are like. When someone is clear on the things that we can not get away with then they earn our respect. Draw the line, a bold one, let people know things they can and can’t do to you.
The things are done to us only happen with our permission.
If at all you find yourself placing reasonable boundaries and, values that they can’t respect that, then maybe it is just about time to re-evaluate what benefit you get from that particular relationship.
- Is it draining my energy?
- Is it bringing you joy?
Do ask yourself such important questions to work out what needs to stay and what needs to leave.
“No one can make you inferior without your consent” Eleanor Roosevelt
In the same way no one can make you inferior, is the same way no one can take advantage of you without your permission, they might fool you once but twice??? Mmmh!
Here are some steps to follow before things get out of hand.
4 ways to stop being taken advantage of gracefully.
- Inform– Inform the person of their actions that you would like for them to stop. They might not even be aware of the harm they cause or of their behaviour so it is a fair chance.
- Request– Ask them to stop, at this point any sound person should know better. Though we don’t cease to surprise.
- Demand– If the above didn’t work then at this point insist on wanting them to stop and let them know of what actions you will take if they didn’t
- Action– To ensure that they know that they were not just issuing empty threats, do take action. Whatever you said you would do this is the point where you exercise it.
For a practical example, this could concern anyone not just the diaspora, to avoid distress or future drama.
If someone keeps on asking you for let’s say money, even though they may know your situation very well.
“ Oh I know you don’t have any cash right now, but if you get a little extra money please send me some.”
This could make you feel like they don’t believe you in the first place.
But again, We know sometimes how some people get, you confide to them about your situation but they always manage to still ask.
Inform them that you don’t appreciate the pressure they are putting on you especially when they know your current financial struggle.
If they continue, like some would, request them to stop.
“Can you please stop asking me for money as it is putting pressure in our relationship”
“I insist that you stop asking me for money or else I will have to end this relationship, it is already draining me.
If they persist just end it. They are not after your overall well being. They don’t care about you.